How do you behave in the dating game? Do you force it to an abrupt halt or fuel the fire of enthusiasm? The way people engage the courting ritual impacts the length of its shelf-life. At the extreme is Miss Desperation. She feels instant attraction and jumps at her mate eager to get on with it and move things to the next stage. She forces discussions about where it's all going, she calls him incessantly, or sits by the phone waiting. She wants to see him as soon as possible and the rest of her life stops as she moons and broods. She does not understand the thrill of the chase and her neediness scares off her potential mate.
At the opposite extreme is Miss Aloof. She's defensive and hides behind her independence. She keeps up her boundaries, pretends she isn't interested and refuses to flirt too much even when she wants to. She doesn't understand her mate feels vulnerable too and needs signals to make the courage to pursue. Her lack of visible interest leads him to retreat his pursuit from fear of rejection.
Somewhere in between, lays the perfect balance - Miss Simply Irresistible. She is poised between displaying her flirtatious feathers and stoking the fire with hot coals of anticipation. People who master this balance know that dating takes courage. They entice their potential mate to move ahead in their pursuit by showing interest, being open, warm and friendly. Yet they also know the excitement that comes with the thrill of the chase so leave room for anticipation and mystery.
The truth be known, I did my time in the prison of Miss Aloof! As my relationship meter increased with age so did my aloof mentality. I held back and played way too defensively. The frequent 'I didn't know you were interested' that fell from ex-daters lips on a regular basis I guess should have been a sign. After an onslaught of three-date-itis the penny finally dropped. As soon as I let down my barriers a little - everything shifted - including my relationship status!
How about you - where do you fit on the dichotomy from desperate to aloof? Do you jump in too soon and smother him or do keep your guard up and hide your interest? Wherever you fit, don't despair. A few simple tweaks and you'll be schmoosing beside Miss Irresistible.
How to Move Closer to Irresistible:
1. Understand the Basics Of Attraction
We are all attracted to people who flirt with us but still leave a little mystery. Ensure the pursuit is give and take. To move away from Miss Desperate, understand that throwing yourself at him will push him away. To move away from Miss Aloof, understand that he is vulnerable too and needs signs from you to push ahead.
2. Take Small Leaps of Courage
Usually both desperation and aloofness stem from fear. Take small courageous steps despite the fear. Decide that finding love is worth the risk! To move away from Miss Desperate, take courage by waiting for him to pursue you for a change. To move away from Miss Aloof, take courage by showing signs of interest and willingness to ask him out.
3. Work on Your Confidence
Confidence is not only irresistible; it also makes it easier to date. It enables you to let down your barriers, be yourself, and show your interest yet also believe you deserve to be pursued. Read my tips on building confidence at http://www.activ8change.com.au/
4. Take Up Opportunities
Get out there and take up opportunities to date. The more you date, the less pressure you'll put on each encounter, and the more you'll relax and be yourself. And of course the more you relax and have fun, the more irresistible you become!
No longer halt the dating delight through desperation or aloofness. Fuel the fire of enthusiasm; flirt and be flirted with, open up to possibility and enjoy the anticipation of the unknown. And quickly you'll see, just how fun it can be…
